Last week the three oldest Bauder children went to spend a couple of days at Grandpa and Grandma’s house with their cousins. I was so excited to have one child. (I still vaguely remember those days.) I started imagining all of the things that I could get done with just one child.

I had some returns to do at the mall and thought this would be the perfect time to do them. I talked to Jesalyn about the fun we were going to have on our “special day” together. We were even going to have lunch out, Jesalyn’s choice.

Friday arrived and our day started early as I had to have the dog to the vet around 8:30 a.m. Then we took off to go to some garage sales.

Finally around 10 a.m., we got to the mall. The returns went smoothly, and the mall wasn’t too busy. Jesalyn wanted out of her stroller, so I gave in and let her walk with me. (This was probably my first mistake.) Throughout the first couple of stores, she listened well and even did a little shopping herself. It was so cute. I just loved seeing her personality when she was away from the older siblings.

It was still a little early for lunch, so I decided we would look in one more store. (This would be mistake number two.)

It was in this store that Attitude came to visit. Jesalyn started hiding in the racks and not responding when I called her. I put her back into the stroller (this might be my third mistake) and attempted to help her understand the importance of listening to me.

However, her almost 3-year-old mind wasn’t interested in what I was saying. She had her own agenda, and I was ruining it.

Jesalyn began to scream this ear-shattering, high-pitched noise in her defiance of me and the rules I was trying to implement. She then kicked off her shoes as I hastened to get her out of the store. I told her (as calmly as I could) that if she didn’t stop yelling and screaming, we were going to go home without our special lunch. She said she was going to be good, but then she screamed again.

Well, I had no choice. I told her we had to go home without lunch. I was so frustrated I couldn’t speak. What was she thinking? This was our “special day.”

All the way out of the mall, she cried and screamed, kicked and flailed and promised she would be a listener. Yeah, I had heard that before.

When we got to the car, she started hitting me because she didn’t want to leave. She then arched her body and fought me as I put her in the car seat and buckled her in it. When I climbed in, she started kicking the back of my seat and I am pretty sure that she upped the volume of her screams as well. This continued on the ride home until I suddenly felt hands in my hair. I knew her arms weren’t long enough to reach me from her seat. I looked back and that’s when I saw it. She had somehow, successfully unbuckled herself. (I have never had any of my four children do this while I was driving. Now what do I do?) Well I thought now was probably a good time to end the silent treatment that had been in place since this ordeal began. I pulled over and after a few minutes, she buckled herself in and we continued home. However, her screaming, crying, kicking and flailing didn’t stop.

Once we were home I took her to her room and put her in bed. Her face was beet red and now she was hiccupping as she cried. I told her she needed to stay in bed until she calmed down; I was the recipient of the meanest glare she could muster.

After about 15 minutes I heard nothing. Silence. I went to check on her, and she was sleeping. She looked so peaceful, cute and innocent. Was this the same child who spent the last 30 plus minutes in a super-size temper tantrum?

After a desperately needed nap, Jesalyn woke up as my sweet little girl. She never said anything to me about her tantrum, and I didn’t dare broach the subject either. However, as I thought about how our special day turned into something other that I intended, I felt God tapping me on my shoulder.

So much of this story can be related to how I treat God sometimes. I may start following Him closely, but then I get distracted and start to go my own way. When He calls me back, I get defiant. How often do I turn to God yelling, screaming, kicking and flailing when things are going out of my control? God silently waits while I rant and rave my frustrations and anger. He knows that I am unable to listen when I am so caught up in myself. But after the storm has calmed, I find that when I rest in Him, He gently teaches me through His word.

I know that when Jesalyn was hitting and kicking me, she was just so frustrated and confused, and it was the only thing she could do. I also know that I didn’t love her any less. That is also how it is with God. He doesn’t love us less because we lash out at Him. He longs to comfort us and to help us through those situations. We cannot hide our feelings or thoughts from God. He is all knowing.

Psalm 139:7-10: “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.”

God knows it all, and He will hold us fast. What a wonderful promise to take comfort in.